Raritan Valley Community College: The Lion's Den

Whilst trying every conceivable effort to find employment, I have enrolled in a couple of courses at the nearby Branchburg, N.J.-based institute of higher education serving Somerset and Hunterdon Counties. Enter good old Raritan Valley Community College and all the nicknames we had for it in high school (i.e. Harvard on the Hill, UCLA - Upper Clinton Lower Annandale, and I'm not sure, but somebody must have thought of this one before I did: BC - Branchburg College). Raritan Valley might have been the butt of many of our jokes, but it has a very strong and respected academic program among community colleges and a well-experienced faculty to boot. Combine that with the inexpensive tuition and the great transfer potential to a four-year college and you got the educational route I should have followed in retrospect (although you couldn't tell me that when I was 18).

The campus of RVCC is sprawled out over several acres on the hills which lie between US Hwy 22 and I-78 (at Exit 26). It has every freedom which seemed like a faraway fantasy of academia during the years I was cooped up in elementary/middle/high school, waiting for the hall pass to return so I could dart to the bathroom (without running of course, and given the fact that I had my student ID displayed from a lanyard wrapped around my neck like a leash). It's got multiple buildings that feature: classrooms and labs, a theater that doubles as a planetarium, a mutli-story library (get it? no??), computer labs, athletic fields, a sizable courtyard, a cafeteria, an athletic building consisting of a gym and a pool, and vending machines at every turn--the epitomic portrayal of a cinematic high school set in southern California during the early-'90s.

I took my only other class at RV during the summer of 2006, between my sophomore and junior years at my four-year university. I had previously withdrawn from Quinnipiac's algebra classes twice because the professors at the math department saw you as more of a number than as a student (showing your work didn't matter, if you screwed up any part of the test question, it was wrong--no partial credit, case closed). I was wasting my time taking a math course at QU, so I made up the credits at Raritan, where my teacher would stay after class as late as she could to answer any questions and also to make sure we understood the material (aka, she cared about the students' progress and growth in the subject).


Well hop in the DeLorean, set the flux capacitor, and floor it to 88--flash forward four years to 2010. At age 25, I'm feeling an awful lot like Billy Madison rolling up for class amongst the many fresh-faced undergraduate teenagers. During this semester, I will be taking a free one-session "E-Commerce for Small Business" seminar later on in October--can't hurt if it's free! Right now, however, I am exploring the realm of computer programming by taking a class in database management software called "Introduction to Oracle: SQL and PL/SQL."

Job Applications from Hell: Can Companies Please Cut the Paperwork & Toss Taleo Where it Belongs in the Trash?

I am not adverse to a long, hard day's work, but some job applications are absolutely ridiculous!

Upon applying to many jobs over the last few years, I have noticed something: Corporate America and the bureaucratic nightmare that is the U.S. Government have seemingly become one-in-the-same with the amount of paperwork they obligate the masses to fill out. I recently sent my resume, along with a customized and carefully-tailored cover letter to express my interest in a position that I wanted.

"We're good, right? You'll thoroughly review my credentials and be in contact, correct?? No??? You need me to fill out more paperwork?!?"

Many companies have degenerated their application process into a redundant migraine for the job-seeker by using a "human resources," or "talent management" software from a Gestapo-esque company from California called "Taleo." This dehumanizing piece of garbage requires the prospective employee to fill out fields which include personal data such as: applicant's name, address, e-mail address, phone number, home town/county/state/country or territory--one such asinine option, according to the Official Taleo Sucks Blog, is the Heard/McDonald Islands (an uninhabited group of barren, volcanic islands located in the southern Indian Ocean, just a mere thousand-mile stone's throw north of Antarctica), educational background (including high school or university attended, year graduated, GPA, Major/Minor, clubs, etc.), employment history (incl. last five jobs held, dates employed--often down to the exact day!--duties carried out, and so-on-and-so-forth), just to name a few.

"But didn't you receive all that information already? What's with the need to repeat the information I previously divulged to you after uploading my resume??"

As I said, many of these companies, especially larger corporations are using this time-wasting travesty as a way of "screening" candidates (while the esteemed members of their HR departments are too busy Tweeting, Facebooking, G-chatting or YouTubing to be bothered to review job apps--this, of course, after spending valuable company time talking to plants or perusing screens of a different kind: Fantasy Football or pornography at the office).

Also, in addition to your resume, cover letter, AND Taleo process, if you luck out somehow and land an interview, some companies have a little gift waiting for you--a small token of their appreciation in their lobby before the interview: MORE PAPERWORK! Name, address, phone number, date of birth, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, last three jobs/supervisors/dates employed/duties held/reasons for leaving/references, etc. Okay, they haven't even hired me yet and they're asking me for my SSN on a hard-copy piece of paper?? They now have your life and personal data by the cajones; and who knows, a disgruntled worker who could be fired in two weeks can steal that information from their former company on their way out and start an identity-theft ring, involving your name with every swipe of the credit card!

And the last thing you can do is point out that you've already submitted this information multiple times at this point--you don't want their first impression of you to be that of a complainer. So, in total, you could submit your personal data and intricate details of your employment history a total of FIVE TIMES between the resume, cover letter, Taleo application, pre-interview app, and the actual interview.


I digress, back to Unholy Taleo. Taleo claims to have your information saved so you could bypass that long process, editing it if need-be, to avoid completing the entire application again. However, in my long, storied career of looking for a career, that is an absolute lie. I've had to fill out an entire application each time I've had to subject myself to this mind-numbing tediousness. It's obvious the people that designed this painstaking software have never had to use it to apply for a job--they must have one hell of a sales team, using strong-armed mafia tactics to push this on all the companies that they've sold it to thus far. To my utmost surprise, Taleo is highly unpopular among job-seekers being used as lab rats with this redundancy, who knew?!? According to Amplicate.com, Taleo Hate scored 92%, compared to people who feel the opposite.

Ready for a particularly gruesome fact? On the Company Profile section of Taleo's website, they brag about such things as revenue and their performance in Nasdaq; but they also have a statistic that points out their lack of success in getting candidates hired. They list that, by using their software, there have been a total of 7,000,000 hires in a pool of 200,000,000 candidates. That's a success rate of 3.5% for the job-seeker, and in our terrible economy, the latest unemployment rate in the United States was estimated at 9.6% in August, 2010. Way to go, Taleo! According to their site, "On a peak day, Taleo processes more than 39 million transactions. That's far more than Burger King orders and far less than Facebook page views." So you compare compounding people's unemployment misery to fast-food and social networking, while there are ever-increasing layoffs and house foreclosures nationwide. Is Satan your CEO?


MY SOLUTION: Relocate Taleo's corporate headquarters to Heard Island and McDonald Islands with a television crew for a new reality TV show with a twist. Call it Survivor: HIMI, and require the CEO, upper management, sales & marketing teams, and Taleo's designers to use this software to attempt to be "hired off the island," and see how they fare with it.

I Want My, I Want My, I Want My Flying High: Moving For Nothing...Flags (or beers) For Free

Wow. What a week in Clinton, N.J. The building was sold which was the location of my dad's retail store since 1999--we shared our space with an Austrian kitchen-and-bath designer, whose skill made my parents' kitchen look as good as it does now. Our former landlord is 81 years of age, and a mess of a situation involved a rival kitchen-and-bath designer buying the building, and thus, drove us out.

So every day we would move our inventory from store-to-storage--a mind-numbing process which made me harp on the whole unemployed comedy/tragedy over the course of the last couple of years. The very thought that people with college degrees (like me) are fortunate enough to have jobs in the city and now live there, away from the restrictions of the mom-and-dad scene, and are able to socialize there on weekends is enough to drive one up a wall in this type of back-and-forth, Atari Pong-esque situation. It's like a party that you're observing from the outside, looking in at the scene with envious eyes.

The subtle idiosyncrasies of the mind take over when the crossroads of angst and eye-gauging boredom become the domineering factors; and when potential isn't fully utilized (for years), new mental outlets become as sought after as the Holy Grail of Sanity.

I had a very-cool co-worker from my brief seven-month stint at a local State Farm agency. One of those people who makes a lasting impression on you; one who you hope you keep in touch with, but will remember regardless. She is in her forties and is a HUGE fan of Dire Straits/Mark Knopfler. I met her husband when he came in on September 11th as he purchased a couple of flag sets (also very nice--good family all around). It was extremely hectic that day as most of what we still had left was out on the lawn. Despite heavily-discounted merchandise (people poured in from all over to look and buy), we had one of our best sales days in years, all while moving in a haphazard fashion.

As I was saying, my former co-worker loves Dire Straits, and it got me thinking of their 1985 hit "Money For Nothing." My dad used to play it quite a bit at parties in the '80s at our house in Fairfield, Conn. He played it so much that it caught on and resonated with my older brother and he used to sing it ad nausium. So anyway, I played it for him earlier this year, and gradually increased the volume to sneak into his subconscious. It must have put him into a time-warp to the time of the Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars, Rubik's Cubes, Ghostbusters, Smurfs and Care Bears, because he started mouthing along to the lyrics.

I made a Weird Al-type parody of the chorus, as I said the mind looks for any type of outlet while doing this type of work:

We got to install poles and mailboxes,
Custom flag set deliveries.
We got to move these authentic models,
We got move this inventory.

As it turned out, with the help of our neighbors, a few of our trustworthy handymen Glenn and Brian, and my friends Myles and Mike, we got the job done. We finished vacuuming and ultimately bid one final adieu to the place which served as Flying High's home for over a decade at around 10 p.m. when the deadline was at midnight after September 13th.

A few career-related articles on in descending order from useful to useless.

I'm going to hold off starting this cyber career road trip to post an e-mail that I received. I subscribe to many job-search websites, which contain information on job leads and articles that could be useful in my hopeful quest to find what I've been looking for since May of 2008 (with one sizable hiatus earlier this year, as previously mentioned).

This e-mail is from JobCircle, a site on which I don't even bother looking for jobs anymore because I haven't gotten even one e-mail back from any of their listed companies/job descriptions, let alone an interview.

I couldn't help but noticing their three featured articles listed in the e-mail.

Best Questions To Ask In Your Job Interview

This article, written by Caroline Howard, lists a number of questions that you can ask that you can ask to a prospective employer during a job interview:

1. How would you describe the ideal candidate?

2. How do you envision this position supporting you?

3. How does this position fit into the company’s long-term plans?

4. How would you define “success” for this position?

5. What can I do for you as follow-up?

This was definitely the most useful of the three articles listed. These questions also went on to provide brief elaborations of each question and it's importance--pretty advantageous in order to gain an edge by subtly psychologically leveling the hiring manager.

Also listed are 12 questions that you should not ask; mostly questions involving inquiring about the salary, leaving work early, a timetable of promotions, sick days, etc. I've seen other sites like this. These are mostly common-sense and redundant (I think only an easily-wowed kid would ask a potential boss how many people they've fired and how often they can stay home from school "sick"--save it, Ferris); and it seems like these questions are little more than a way of attempting humor to impress their fellow colleagues in their industry. However, this article was useful overall.

What Every Professional Needs In Her Desk Drawer

This title (written by Jenna Goudreau of The Other Half) immediately loses personal interest with me because the article targets female professionals when I am a male job-seeker, (What is this, Sex and the City?) So I might as well just give it a chance anyway, here's some of the list:

Hand Cream: Ok, I guess it's sort of useful. While I see the need to avoid dry skin and have clean hands, to devote an entire work day to periodic moisturization like you're in the shower or at Club Med seems counterproductive. The stuff may short-circuit the keyboard and start an office fire that will burn the bridges of your hard-earned networking contacts on LinkedIn.

Eye Drops: Most of us get dry-eyes or allergies, but what are you trying to hide, Tommy Chong?

Ibuprofin (and other pain relievers): Take for headaches, but the boss may get suspicious of your personal life with daily use.

Other listed things of importance are lint brushes, adhesive bandages and breath fresheners. I had to skip the sewing kit, the make-up and the hairbrushes. Article is sort of useful, but you can take care of some of that stuff at home. I don't know why it was listed as an article on my e-mail from JobCircle, because other articles are about things you can do to GET THE JOB, how can we maintain a proper workplace if we aren't working at the moment?

This next article, written by Susan Adams, was absolutely atrocious and gut-wrenching to read: Pimp My Cubicle.

Again, on a site that targets and caters to job-seekers that are looking to be employed into the American Dream that is the cubicle, how is this useful?

"When I need to be cool, calm and collected," he says, "I can just talk to my little bonsai tree." -Lee Burbage, Human Resources Professional at The Motley Fool

It's nice to know that when I spend 45 minutes to an hour on some job applications, the guy in HR is too busy talking to plants to read my cover letter in its entirety and thoroughly examine my resume!



This Motley Fool is pictured in the article with a mini-jungle set up around his desk. "Did you get a chance to look over my resume? No? Did Tarzan accidentally knock it off of your desk with his vine to be eaten by The Lion King???"

I know a day at work can be stressful, but damn! You wonder why the economy is in shambles and the unemployment rates are high across the board. When people are busy writing tips on how to 'pimp your cubicle,' inspiring many interior decorators-at-heart to disregard their tasks at hand to waste company time, potential production output suffers; and this college grad can't find a job?!? They say Hell is a place without reason, and reading this article makes me feel like I've jumped in the fire.

NFL Postseason: Wildcard Weekend Reflections From the Point-of-View of a Giants Fan

Disclaimer: This next post will combine facts with opinions, but it's my blog, so I can.

I am a die-hard New York Giants fan, so the progression of the 2009 NFL season started off great for the G-Men, me and the rest of the loyal fan base -- but then crashed hard into disappointing, gut-wrenching oblivion as the traditionally-ballin' defense of the Big Blue Wreckin' Crew accomplished little more than wreck their chances at another postseason, and now I'm bleeding blue. Now, the season is obviously over for Big Blue, except for the Pro Bowl (which I actually watch, judge me) and the Giants' lone representative for the NFC squad -- cue former public address announcer Bob Sheppard's booming voice: "The Center, numba 60, Shaun O'Hara, numba 60."


So now, all I can do is just sit back and hope the teams that I don't like/despise perish into historical obscurity by suffering the agony of defeat -- and the opening round of the playoffs certainly made me very happy, and here's why:

1) The Philadelphia Eagles: ELIMINATED! This matchup presented two NFC East teams that I hate/highly dislike: The Philadelphia Eagles and the Dallas Cowboys, so I had to make a choice, a lesser-of-two-evils kind of paradox (would I rather die in the electric chair or by lethal injection?) so I decided to side with Dallas. Going to high school in New Jersey, it was primarily the Giants and the Eagles as the two favorite teams (toss the Jets and Cowboys in there too). More-or-less, I noticed most of Hunterdon County's native-born football fans went for the Eagles, while most of the people originally from eastern NJ/NY/CT pulled for the G-Men.


Throughout high school (2000-04), the Giants were a very inconsistent team. They went 12-4 my freshman year (2000) and made it to the Super Bowl, but they mixed in sub-.500 seasons in that relatively short period of time, including going an abysmal 4-12 in 2003 during my senior year. The Eagles, on the other hand, displayed consistently good football in the early-mid 2000s.

Philadelphia Eagles fans are known for being very hostile -- they booed Santa Claus for cryin' out loud! Their home venue, Lincoln Financial Field, even has a courtroom where they conduct cases during the games for disorderly fans, which is necessary for your fans if they can neither handle winning nor losing with class. The Cowboys beat them 34-14 on Saturday night, ensuring the Eagles don't have a chance to win their first Super Bowl. Adios Philadelphia!

2) The New England Patriots: ELIMINATED! The Patriots used to be my second favorite team and favorite AFC team. I made my grand return to my native state, Connecticut, to attend college in 2004 and subsequently graduated in 2008, and lived (and made friends) with many people from Massachusetts, and here's where my cognitive image of the Pats took a turn for the worse. Many of the fans of Boston teams (Pats as well as the Red Sox) I met at Quinnipiac are very knowledgeable and classy when it comes to sports, but they like to rub it in when their team does better than your team (typical of fans of any team), but you can hold an intelligent conversation with this segment of Boston fans, so they have my respect.


But I also noticed that many fans of Boston teams are bandwagon fans (i.e. becoming fans of the Sox in 2004 -- and I won't even mention the 2007-08 Celtics). During my freshman year alone (2004-05) the Red Sox won their first World Series since 1918, and the Pats beat the Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX, repeating as the NFL Champions and winning their third Super Bowl in four years, so you could imagine how high-and-mighty the Boston fans (and Massachusetts) were at this time.

Enter 2007. My Yankees made the MLB playoffs as the American League Wild Card team, finishing second to Boston. Then the Yanks got utterly embarrassed by the Cleveland Indians after sweeping the regular season series against them. The Tribe then relinquished a 3-1 ALCS lead to those damn Red Sox, who went on to win another World Series -- good thing I shut my phone off in disgust because I had several voicemails and text messages waiting for me that would have blown up my phone, if I had left it on, to compound my frustration even more.

While this was going on, the Patriots were having an incredible season. Golden-boy Tom "Terrific" Brady and his faithful companion Randy Moss went on to break the single-season touchdown records (passing and receiving, respectively) while the team was undefeated and on ESPN every single day as a series of sappy feature segments of coverage conveniently alliterated as "The Patriots Pursuit of Perfection." It absolutely nauseated me. The Giants, meanwhile, were struggling. Head Coach Tom Coughlin's job was constantly on the line. Eli Manning's leadership skills at QB were questioned every day. They finally met in the Super Bowl and the underdog Giants got the best of them (how does it feel to choke, Boston?) on the grandest of stages (one of my greatest sports memories of all-time). The exclamation point was an unbelievable pass from Manning to David Tyree in which Eli narrowly escaped a would-be sack and tossed one up to Tyree, who made an unbelievable helmet catch to help move the drive along and ultimately allow Plaxico Burress to catch the game-winning touchdown pass. 17-14, Giants Win!


So this year, the Pats got destroyed by the Baltimore Ravens, and I couldn't be happier. Now I just need the Cowboys to lose next week, and that will be great. But I think a classic matchup for the Super Bowl would be a duel for the ages between two absolute gunslingers, Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts vs. Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings (I would've wanted Saints/Colts if they were both still undefeated, and I won't even play devil's advocate with the Giants because of how disappointing they were). Say what you want about Favre, coming in and out of retirement more than Michael Jordan for the purpose of skipping preseason training (which really is highly unprofessional of him), but he is a living legend with just about two full decades of greatness; and I believe Peyton Manning is the best quarterback in the NFL right now. After all, he just completed his fourth MVP season (take that, Tom Brady). That matchup would truly be a classic that would be talked about for generations.

Open "Mike" Night

My pal Mike Fortino has decided to take up a career in stand-up comedy. Vinnie Brand's Stress Factory in New Brunswick offers aspiring stand-up acts the opportunity to show what they've got like Seth Rogen in the movie Funny People on select Wednesdays throughout their calendar, so he has decided to go on 1/6.


He debuted around the time of Halloween a couple of months ago at my other friend Bernie's father's 50th birthday roast where he had the crowd going with ethnic jokes (looks like MTV's Jersey Shore will provide a blowout of new material with this one), towns in NJ where people are from and why they turn out the way they do as a result, his own struggles with alcoholism, and the dick & fart jokes inspired brilliantly by his heroes Jay & Silent Bob - New Jersey's Finest. At the roast, he pushed the envelope but couldn't go much beyond that because there were children and grandparents present (the same grandparents I chugged Sambuca in front of during Bernie's high school graduation party...class, class, class). At the Stress Factory, however, there will be no holds barred.


The stakes are high during Open Mic Night. Careers can be launched if the comics steal the show and the laughs flow like wine and beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Or dreams can shatter in five uncomfortable minutes of jeers and comments from a tough crowd (they don't call it the "Stress" Factory for nothing). New Brunswick is located on Route 1, by I-287 and is very close to Rutgers - chicks bro, chicks - and according to Marilyn Monroe, "If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything," - anything, eh?? However, if the roast was any sort of a preview for Mike's performance this coming Wednesday, it should make for a good show. Doors open at 7, $5 cover, and there's a two-drink minimum per person (except for the recovering alcoholic on stage). Come through, it should be a good time, and I won't be job-searching.

Picking it back up...

When we last left off, our fair protagonistic hero was taking a few months off from this whole blog thing in order to find full-time, gainful employment in the marketing/advertising/PR fields conducive to the fact that dropping over a hundred G's on college tuition seemed like a good idea at the time. I got some inspiration from a good friend named Kristopher to get a second-wind with this whole blog thing.

I have decided that I would like to become a marketing copywriter. I had a short temp-job in that field at an IT company in Edison that I got through my friend Mike's father. It was good experience. They presented the concept to me about what they wanted to market and I would put it in words, creating and editing content for the website presentation materials. I got a good recommendation but the temp period ended, so where's the next meal coming from???

I've had a few interviews, and I guess I'm not really good at them (must be due in large part to the fact that I average an interview once every six months, so I get rusty). I am still "Fear and Loathing After College." I just hit the 19-month plateau (on 12/18/09) since I graduated from Quinnipiac. No job yet.

But it's a new year -- 2010. A new decade at that. So with this change brings a renewed sense of optimism. But how optimistic can I actually be? Will I go a full two years (three years...five years...ten years...) since graduating college, theoretically increasing my chances at finding gainful employment? Should I dig myself deeper into a financial hole by investing in grad school as the noose of debt tightens more and more every day? All these questions have kept me up at night, the vast majority of nights as time drifts away on my 20s, the hourglass of my very youth is running out while I'm still unemployed and living at my parents' house.

Optimism is my only choice. But as my mind numbs daily on these countless job search engines, it's very easy to lose sight of the big picture. How many resumes do I need to amend? How many different cover letters do I need to draft until I reach my goal, and will I reach it? This story has had the same ending for a while now but I must carry on. Until next time, be good.

Don't Call it a Comeback YET - First Impressions on the Job Search

Hi everybody, I have went away for a while, I apologize. I have dedicated my entire life these past few months from the beginning to the end of the hiatus to get that job. You know, those many futile attempts I've made with the goal to make something of myself like I've always dreamed of--and have always been "qualified" for--but the almighty powers that be have decided that I would serve this world better by sitting in front of my computer diluting the playing field among the many other hopeful candidates as the hiring managers decide on the boss's daughter's Fave Five.

You can pull a Facebook version of a James Bond/CIA photo-interrogation on me all you want, but it won't compare to that of her "sluts" and her "besties" on a Saturday night (especially around Halloween,) sorry, Your Majesty. But go ahead and do what you usually do, because God forbid! It's your chance to root out the degenerates like myself, because it's such a liability to give the likes of me and the other neglected candidates that elusive chance to prove what we're capable of.

I came across this article and it caught my attention. Great! 10 preventative ways to avoid rubbing the "right" people the "wrong" way. How exactly, can you please the polytheistic interview panel in order to become the professional ass-kisser they've always wanted to hire, simply because all the power is theirs in this down economy???

Disclaimer: This post was written back in September, and is published now.

Quinnipiac Graduation 2008: Reflections One Year Later

"Congratulations to the Quinnipiac University Class of 2008!"


That's what we heard a year ago today, and that was just about the same thing said to this year's graduating class yesterday (Congrats to the '09-ers that I know - but I can't wish you luck in your job searches until I get one myself being out a full year).

May 18th of xxx8 has traditionally been a good day for me. I hit my first Little League home run over the fence on May 18, 1998 (I still have my home run balls from that season marked up in pen!) and I graduated college 10 years later to the day (I probably beat Super Mario Bros. for the first time on May 18, 1988 and I'm buying a shit-ton of Powerball and Mega Millions tickets on May 18, 2018).

I'm sure most of my fellow classmates from that graduating class find it hard to believe that it has been a whole year since that day. In the 365 days following that fateful day, many of you have embarked on the next stage of your lives, hitting the ground running on your exciting new career paths, settling into your postgraduate apartments without looking back.

Well take a second to look back. Remember that day there were people sprawled out on the quad in front of the library as far as the eye could see? Our families, friends and faculty gathered en masse to witness the commencement of us fine, deserving young men and women, a symbolic coronation of academic achievement transitioning us from campus party-animals to esteemed and eligible candidates of the prospective proletariat.

We had just had the last of "the best times of our lives" while all still together as a class, and it was great a senior week, culminating one hell of a four-year period. I remember just being with everyone was awesome, and when Hodgdon, Oakey and me snuck off campus at 4 or 5 in the morning to climb Sleeping Giant across the street, we all talked about how much we'd miss this place looking with a breathtaking view descending upon the layout of the campus. So many great times were had there on the weekends (and weekdays with couches outside of Village during the spring of junior year with hundreds of solo cups). Never a dull moment.

Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. -Matthew Broderick, aka Ferris Bueller

The McGangBang

Ok, this is going to be a short post, but one that I feel is necessary to bring up. My brother is 17 and is a junior in high school. We were talking about a possible trip to McDonalds and he said he wanted a "McGangBang." Out of breath from laughter at what I had just heard, I asked him what it was. He said it was a double cheeseburger and a McChicken Sandwich, with the chicken taken from that and put in the middle of the two all-beef patties.... What will they think of next???

The Two Weeks That Did Not Suck, Part II

So we were up and at 'em early the next morning because it's about 15-16 hours from Virginia Beach, Virginia to Pensacola, Florida, give or take. We had breakfast and were on the road by about 9:30 in the morning for a good planned stretch of driving on the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System (I like Ike!)

We took U.S. Highway 58 west passing by Norfolk and a lot of the other Hampton Roads cities in the area. It's a nice harbor complete with shipyards and a Naval Base... reminds me of old industrial America. A little further down the road is a city called Suffolk. We hit a lot of traffic there (never a good sign in the early-goings of a long haul) but we were stopped long enough to see a police car that had pulled over another car. Moving passed it we saw a cop on the ground struggling with a guy with long hair, trying to cuff him, and another officer running toward the scene. It was a scene straight out of the TV show "COPS" (and this was a Monday morning just after 10 a.m., mind you....drugs???) Moving along we saw two more police cruisers rushing toward the action.

The next few hours were inconsequential. Rural Virginia toward I-95, which turns into one of the most boring drives through the Carolinas. The original plan was to take 95 to 10 in Jacksonville. I kind of wanted to head further west because I've done the 95 drive down there on several occasions and wanted to try something new. After passing South of the Border (fireworks, hotels, amusement park, food...random. They must do well because they were in business back when my family and I drove to Disneyworld back in 1998) we got off the highway and grabbed a bite to eat and decided to head west on I-20 toward Columbia. I-95 in NC/SC is billboards and truck stops, 20 is more scenic with hills.

We bypassed Atlanta at around 7 p.m. that night and the Braves were playing against the Cardinals there at Turner Field. The game was on the radio but you get each station for only around two hours or so as you cover more and more ground. I kind of had rekindled thoughts of my classic fantasy to make a road trip around the country, stopping at every Major League ballpark, and sort of wanted to see the game, but it made absolutely no sense money/timewise.

We ended up that night staying at the Travelodge in Opelika, Alabama, across the Chattahoochie River and into the Central Time Zone (kinda near Auburn University.... Bo Jackson, anyone??) The next morning, both of us wearing Yankees caps, we discovered it was Confederate Memorial Day in Alabama, so people were naturally giving us strange looks, the people in the hotel started talking about Jair Jurrjens and the Braves. We made a stop for breakfast in Montgomery, the capital, before trekking the rest of the way south towards Pensacola... a good 21-22 hours from Clinton, New Jersey. This blog will continue in Part III.

The Two Weeks That Did Not Suck, Part I

kris oakey: Update your blog so i have something to read

I took a two-week sanity break from this job search to go on that road trip down south with my uncle Don... it finally took place! Back by popular demand, I will use this blog post to talk about it.

So I left the Northeast on Sunday, April 26th kind of hungover after a night of drinkin' with my friend Aversa and others. Now I never enjoy driving any considerable amount of distance when I'm hungover because I feel as if I'm autopiloting in an inattentive daze of simply existing.

This drive, however, wasn't that bad because the adrenaline of excitement kept me pumped throughout the entire 325-mile, six-hour trip to my uncle's house in Virginia Beach. I encountered a few hairy parts of the drive in and around Philadelphia. The tire of the minivan in the left lane in front of me blew out on 95 and the driver had to amble over the close left shoulder. I narrowly escaped. Then, by the airport, I passed a cop which I discovered way too late to make a valid attempt at slowing. I was probably going 80, slowed down to about 75 in the 55-MPH zone in which I was cruising. I dodged a major fine when he didn't pull out to pursue me. Gotta love city cops--too busy with homocides, robberies and gangs (real crimes) to dwell on the misdemeanors that small-town cops get off to prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law.

So I went down the Delmarva Peninsula going through Delaware, Maryland, and [that strange eastern part of] Virginia [which probably should still be considered Maryland] (hence the name of the peninsula with the three states). I stopped at a McDonalds in Maryland to get a Big Mac meal with a Coke and resumed the trip after that. Not long after that, Don called and told me he was going to start the grill with burgers and hot dogs (I jumped the damn gun as usual). While on the phone with him, I crossed into Virginia and the sign on the side of the road read, "Welcome to the South" and was decorated with a couple Confederate flags (still had my Yankees cap on!)

I was making pretty good timing but I had another problem. My 2004 Chrysler Sebring's engine shut off at a stop light about halfway between the Virgina border and the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, and the oil light came on. I had no problem starting the engine again but it shut off again closer to the bridge after that. I was getting worried because this whole structure is over 17 miles long (much longer than the Verrazano, George Washington and Tappan-Zee bridges and both the Holland and Lincoln tunnels combined). I really hoped my car wouldn't die on me on the bridge, or worse, in one of the tunnels.


Fortunately, the next time the engine shut off was at an intersection passed the bridge in Va. Beach, and it started right up again (I should really take this issue up with Chrysler...oh, wait). I got to my uncle's house and relaxed with him and his girlfriend and had some BBQ and unwound with a couple of beers. What a trip getting down there, and it wasn't even halfway over....

There's Hope[lessness] on the Horizon...

The chances for legitimate job prospects are waning in this career quest.


I feel I have tried every viable tactic to make the most out of my resume as humanly possible. These tactics range from tweaking the wording to make it sound more appealing on a professional level, to adjusting the font size and style to make it more aesthetically pleasing, to using various different formats supplied by some of my friends who are lucky enough to have full-time employment.

More than eleven months have come and gone since I graduated from Quinnipiac last May, and if you were to ask me then where I would be now in April 2009, I would have, without a shadow of a doubt told you that I'd have a job by now, somewhere, somehow. At that point, I predicted approximately six months of post-college unemployment. Sadly, it wasn't the case, and the fact remains the same.

The undergraduate commencement ceremony at my alma mater will be held on Sunday, May 17th this year. A new class of seniors will have graduated, basked in the sunshine spotlight or prestige and accomplishment as a new hope dawns upon a fresh generation of aspiring job-seekers, brimming with confidence and ready for companies to snatch them up like hotcakes.

What does this mean for the still unemployed members of the previous class?

This means that we are now longer in vogue on the job market. We are as useful as the permanently wounded/disabled Civil War veterans returning home after Robert E. Lee signed the document of concession at Appomattox. We are as washed up as Kenny Powers from HBO's Eastbound & Down.


This is because the Career Catch-22 once again rears its ugly head. How can you gain the experience without being able to get the job, and how can you get the job without the experience? It's a double-edged sword.

What makes matters worse is the fact that companies are going to hire the young blood of this class because, despite the thousands of jobs I estimate that I applied to over the course of this past year (and that's a fairly accurate estimation). Companies are going to look at people like me and see somebody whose lazy and unmotivated, a complacent slacker who had a year to get his act together, but just coasted. However far from the truth that is, the jobs will go to this younger group of applicants.

So what's next? I honestly don't know. I've thought about grad school, I've thought about the military. The military has officer-training programs for college grads that offer graduate school programs, so that is definitely a possibility. I will talk to my uncle Don, the recently-retired Lt. Colonel from the USMC during our road trip to his house in Pensacola, Florida (we're actually going this time!). I will also take this opportunity to get away from all these useless job search engines and to clear my head in hopes to return fresh and rejuvenated. In the words of Kenny Powers, "Northeast, You're Fuckin' Out!!!"

The New York Mets' Identity Crisis

Hey Mets, 1955 called, it said you're NOT the Brooklyn Dodgers.

Ahhh yes, 1955, the destination year to which Marty McFly traveled back in time in Doc Brown's Delorean time machine. In baseball, New York simply was the town. The Yankees, led by Manager Casey Stengel, won four straight World Championships to start off the decade (five dating back to '49). The New York Giants won it all in '54, and the Dodgers in '55. 1956 belonged to Mickey Mantle and the Yankees again (Mantle won the league's Triple Crown Award, and Don Larsen pitched the only perfect game in World Series history en route to revenge on the Dodgers in seven games the year after Dem Bums' only date with destiny). The Yanks would also win it all in 1958.

Also in 1958, sadness ravaged the baseball community in New York when the hearts of millions of Dodgers and Giants fans crumbled like the concrete of Ebbet's Field and the Polo Grounds when it met the wrecking ball. Gone would be the nightly street arguments of who was the best center fielder: Mickey, Willie (Mays), or The Duke (Snyder). The Dodgers and Giants both packed up and headed west for Los Angeles and San Francisco, respectively.


The National League fans of New York, however, got a bittersweet consolation prize in 1962 when the expansion Mets became a team (and subsequently lost 120 games that season), but many still had feelings of outrage over the departure of Dodgers and Giants four years prior. The Miracle Mets would bounce back by the end of the decade, winning the World Series in 1969, and again in 1986.

Flash forward to 2009. The Mets left Shea Stadium about 45 years after it opened to head to their brand new Citi Field digs nearby. It features relics to the Brooklyn Dodgers, including the Jackie Robinson rotunda, and an exterior modeled after that of the old Ebbet's Field, and a large #42 for Robinson in the stadium as well. Jackie was an all-time great, a hall-of-famer, a pioneer, and he became integral part of the Civil Rights Movement when he broke the color-barrier in 1947 with the Dodgers. A great American in all respects.


Citi Field created an instant memory in its first homestand when new-Met Gary Sheffield hit his 500th home run- a typical Sheffieldian bullet shot hit close to the left field foul pole. New ballpark, state-of-the-art amenities, new memories already, can't go wrong, right??? So far from the truth. There are obstructed seats that the fans complain about, and faulty plumbing that the players complain about.

Aside from that, a new controversy has arisen, concerning Sheffield's uncle, one-time Met great Dwight Gooden. According to Yahoo.com, Gooden was on hand for the Opening Day festivities when a worker asked him to sign a wall outside of a bar (called Ebbet's Club) in the stadium. Happy to be back, Gooden obliged and signed it: "Dwight Gooden 84 R.O.Y. 85 Cy Young, 86 W.S. Champs" in reference to his 1984 Rookie of the Year Award, his '85 Cy Young Award, and the '86 World Series victory over the Red Sox.


Mets' brass reacted to this with outrage. This is what Jay Horowitz, Mets' VP of Media Relations told the New York Post:

"It's a brand-new building, no one is supposed to write on the wall. It's going to be erased."

Doc Gooden had his fair share of problems in the past. He was too busy sucking up lines of cocaine like a Hoover vacuum to attend the '86 championship parade in New York's "Canyon of Heroes." This hero would go on to fall deep into the grandest of canyons of addiction and run-ins with the law. This incensed Mets fans. A decade later they were further incensed when he returned to the Big Apple after a couple seasons in Cleveland to throw a no-hitter for the cross-town Bronx Bombers in 1996, contributing to the Yankees' return to the promised land that year to start their eventual dynasty.


This made Doc reluctant to return to Shea during its final game last September. He worked up the courage to come back to the inaugural game this year to a good reception from the fans (even Bill Buckner got a nice reception from the Fenway faithful last year for their home opener, after two World Championships, though); who says you can't go home again?

WFAN's Mike Francesa said it right when he suggested that the Mets should protect it by screwing a piece of plexiglass in front of it. Another complaint about the new ballpark is the fact that there are a shortage of Mets' memories throughout.

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee, Mets. Your franchise is NOT the Brooklyn Dodgers, and your new stadium is NOT Ebbet's Field. It's time to embrace your own history, from Casey Stengel to Tom Seaver, to Darryl Strawberry and Gary Carter to Mike Piazza, and onto David Wright. Be proud of your history, don't try to be another team. The Los Angeles Dodgers are going to feel like they are playing a home game when they come to NY, and Joe Torre grew up in Brooklyn in that era. Jackie Robinson deserves every ounce of respect he earned, but he did NOT play for the Mets- EVER!!! And he probably wouldn't even have agreed to play for the Mets anyway because he got traded to the Giants after his last season with Brooklyn and retired without playing a single game for them. And the Mets play in Queens, NOT Brooklyn. The blind front office of the Mets should take one long look in the mirror and realize who they really are.

Reflections of the First Series at the new Yankee Stadium...

This park is a launching pad. Wang better shape up or ship out. Empty seats????


The new "Yankee Stadium" (and I'm mixed about it having that name) opened up this past weekend with a four-game series with the Cleveland Indians, which they split two games a piece. This new $1.5 billion state-of-the-art baseball haven combines relics to the old Yankee Stadium before it was renovated in the mid-70s with brand new amenities. Such throwbacks include the exterior of the stadium replicating the old ballpark, and the frieze facade that encircles the park from just beyond the foulpoles to behind home plate. It also has about a half a million square feet, a booming sound system, and highest resolution scoreboard monitor in the world.

It also shows the ugly side of baseball, the side disguised in wealth and royalty. All that glitters is not gold because the camera panned in on many empty seats-even unoccupied box seats near the infield and home plate. The Steinbrenners hiked up the prices of the new comfortable-looking seats (and you were able to see a ton of them due to the lack of a sellout crowd) in the stadium excessively to the point where former season's ticket holders simply could not afford to keep their seats. George Steinbrenner always knew how to draw a crowd, except in the late 80s and early 90s when the team sucked and was the doormat in the A.L. East. Perhaps his sons Hank and Hal, and also team president Randy Levine should take a supply-and-demand lesson from the old man.


According to Wikipedia (I am a Rhodes Scholar when it comes to Wikipedia), the new stadium has a seating capacity of 52,325 including standing room (down from 56,866 in the post-renovation era version of The House That Ruth Built). The Yanks' attendances, respectively, during the opening series is as follows: 48,271 (not even within 4,000 on the inaugural game), 45,101 for the first Yankee win there, 45,167 during Wang's implosion, and 43,068 during the Sunday afternoon series finale matinee game. They failed to break the standard 50,000 mark they would break all the time at the old building (and to think they'd break 70,000 on occasion before they renovated that one). During the championship years, they'd average 56-57 thousand spectators on their feet as fans in attendance would feel the stadium shake.

Aside from that, Chien-Ming Wang's performances thus far have been awful. During his first three starts, he is 0-3, with an ERA of 34.50. He has given up 23 hits, surrendered 23 earned runs, and has struck out a meager two batters while walking six. He has also failed to go beyond the fourth inning this season and hasn't even made it passed the second in his last two starts. This is a guy who was their ace pitcher the last few years, leading the American League in total wins in 2006-07 with 38 total victories (19 each season). He has demonstrated an inability to get hitters out, as evidenced by the 14-run frame the Indians put up in their half on the second inning on Saturday's game. This is an issue they need to address soon, as his next scheduled start is this Friday at Fenway. Ron Guidry retired before his time... can he come back???

The new stadium is also a launching pad for home runs. The Yankees and Indians combined for an astonishing 20 home runs, setting the record for the opening series of a new ballpark (and A-Rod isn't even back yet!). Baseballs are scientifically proven to fly further and carry longer during the hot days of summer, but this is April. There are many theories that people have been talking about concerning the jacked up home run totals of this weekend and the two exhibition games against the Cubs. The most notable theory is the wind tunnels created by the opening of the upper deck to allow for winds off the Harlem River to affect ball trajectory. It might not be the case when the old stadium is torn down, but it's certainly exciting to watch because it lets the Yankees live up to their Bronx Bombers nickname even moreso. Much to pitchers' dismay, this stadium is getting the same offensive reaction as Coors' Field (the rare mile-high air) and the Ballpark in Arlington (hot and steamy 100+ degree Texas days on a regular basis).

The job search has become my full-time job, unpaid of course

Every day symbolizes new beginnings. The sun comes up and says good morning, we say "Goodnight Moon" to the lunar body in outer space, and the world rotates on its axis like a goddam tilt-a-whirl, spinning around like the scratched CD that my job search has become.

Over the course of the year, I've easily applied to well over 1,000 jobs and have gotten 4 interviews (1 from the illegitimate ASL Marketing Group door-to-door scam). I currently work at my dad's retail flag store in Clinton, N.J., called Flying High, Inc. This store sells flags (obviously), kites, globes, telescopes, authentic model ships, mailboxes, ties, nautical art, etc. It's kind of like a glorified internship, and when I get paychecks, it feels more like I'm getting professional allowance from my parents, complete with tax rape from the government.

With my dad's time occupied mostly with Flying High Transit (the limo division of the company), I'm usually the one in charge of managing the retail aspect (with one other employee). Being an integral part of a small business for years, since I was a teenager in my case, is a great teacher in career preparation. It's the perfect jump-off to a professional job, one would think. It encompasses sales, marketing, advertising, public relations, accounting (through QuickBooks software), market research, and a strong emphasis on customer service, which is the gasoline in any business engine. Customer service plays a key role in marketing, especially in a small business when you just need your name to be out there.

When I'm not doing that, I am applying to jobs, lots of them. These past six or seven months (when I really put the job search in full-gear) have been absolute hell. It's impossible to save up any substantial amount of money because working for my dad is only on occasion and doesn't pay that well (there is only so much you can do with a nautical shop in inland Clinton). I just wish there was some way I could convey the description of this part-time job role and how critical it is to place the utmost importance on succeeding and being ethical to keep a small business above water.

The days that I don't work are filled with the arduous, anxiety-fueled obligation to put forth 100% effort to end this unemployed status quo once and for all. There are only so many ways I can "sell myself" to the machines with pulses that evaluate resumes, the people who assume the role of God (or the Terminator) on Judgement Day. I am currently on the sixth or seventh different/updated version of my resume (who's counting?)


Another point is the fact that the job market is far from good and the economy is right there with it. However, despite this fact, the majority of my friends from college have full-time jobs at this point, which is light years beyond the point of my comprehension of reasoning. What don't I have to make a good employee? Has this society become so bullshit-obsessed that liars get the best jobs? I'm starting to believe that it's the case. I ask my friends "how did you land your job in this economy?" Their answers are always the same... "I got lucky." (Although I'm fully appreciative of the tips and advice they offer). Luck has never been a friend of mine, so that is something I neither can utilize nor count on.

People have asked for my resume (middle-aged successful adults). This used to generate so much promise, optimism and enthusiasm. This too is just another repetitive theme in this first year out of college for me. I send the resume in a timely fashion, usually with a cover letter or a nice note thanking them. I also offer to submit supplemental information including a list of references and samples of my work as needed. But, like a phantom, these people almost always disappear, even after I send follow-up e-mails. I could have forgone these last four years of college and saved a TON of money. Hell, I could've even dropped out of high school and probably would have been much further than I am now. Opportunity never knocks, it just tantalizes.


I'm done with being broke, thanks for being there while I vent. Now I have a different form of "venting" I need to do thinking about this damn job hunt.

Opening Day

There is an old axiom that says "Life begins on Opening Day." It is a feeling of restored rejuvenation that brings on a season of possibilities to any team.

The Yankees played their first game of the regular season two days ago against the Baltimore Orioles at Camden Yards. However, they're going to have their second attempt at an "Opening Day" since the majority of the players were clearly either drunk or recovering from the night before, which, unless you're Babe Ruth or Mickey Mantle, you can't pull it off and expect to win ballgames.

The Bronx Bombers signed three big-name players during the offseason. High-profile pitchers C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett, and premier first baseman Mark Teixeira. Of the two that played in the season's first game, (Sabathia and Teixeira) none of whom proved to be a factor.

Derek Jeter on the other hand, shined brightly, going 3-for-5 with three singles. Other performances of note included a home run apiece for Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui, and a pinch-hit double from new acquisition Nick Swisher, whose antics were charged up with excitement, a good sight to see because that lights a fire under the ass of any complacent ball club late in the game.

This is the second part of this Yankee blog. The Yankees lost again to Baltimore last night by a score of 7-5. Apparently they don't really know that the games now count. The captain, however, has pulled his weight by contributing his first home run of the young regular season.

A.J. Burnett makes his Yankee debut this afternoon (4/9) and hopefully stops the bleeding and turns this ship around en route to a successful World Championship-bound year.

Fast Food Sales Tactics

Do fast food workers get commission now???

The last few times I indulged in greasy burgers and fries, the drive-thru speakers have tried to up-sell me. I was at the new Branchburg, N.J. Wendy's last Friday to get a large #2 with fries and a Coke, and the lady tried to double my Classic Double order. I felt like I was in a Doublemint Gum commercial.

If that's not bad enough, I was at the Clinton McDonald's earlier today to order my usual large Big Mac meal with a Coke, and the guy on the drive-thru mic tried to sell me a cappuccino. When I told him "no thanks" he asked if I wanted anything else. NO!! I just want to pay you, get my food, and get the hell out; and if I wanted a cappuccino, I'd go across the street to Dunkin Donuts or take a drive downtown to a local coffee shop.

I know the recent surge in population of the obese community has proved profitable to this industry, but give me a break! I go to fast food places to eat what I want, when I want, and how I want it... NOT to go shopping with similar-minded salesmen as door-to-door Willy Lomans or shady people that work at used-car lots.

On a side note, our flag store sold a custom flag to the Burger King in Raritan, so I dropped it off one Sunday morning after a limo-run to Newark Airport. The manager was pretty grateful, and hooked me up with a free breakfast of whatever I wanted, so kudos to him and that fine ethically-sound establishment.

Agony drags on, Vacation plans cease....

My uncle Don recently retired from the U.S. Marine Corps after a 20-year career beginning in 1989. During this lengthy tenure, he has traveled the globe, enduring numerous tours of duty to Iraq, Somalia, Rwanda, Afghanistan, Iraq again, and many other places. Even more recently, he's been pretty busy planning the next stage of his life. Semper Fi, Lieutenant Colonel!

He lives in Virginia Beach and is currently in the process of selling his house in Pensacola, which requires a lot of preparation, dealing with realtors, and packing up what's left in the house to move it up to his other place.

He offered the chance for my older brother and myself (my younger brother is still in high school) to go down to Pensacola with him this week to help him with the house... and hang out by his pool, beach it, hit up the bars and otherwise enjoy ourselves while helping to alleviate his moving process. Seeing how my older brother works full-time, I seemed like a perfectly good candidate for this "spring break," so I jumped at the chance.


So he and I worked it out, I was going to go to his place in VA Beach yesterday, and we were going to drive down to Pensacola to make an adventure out of it starting today. I was all poised and ready to go when, on Friday, a woman from this company I applied to a couple weeks ago called me for a phone interview. I thought the interview went pretty well, and she informed me of a position that just opened up and, sure enough, I was interested. I still am. She then told me that she would deliver my resume to human resources for consideration. Do you notice a common theme here??? I thought I might be able to bypass this stage of the application process with this phone interview and jump straight into where I excel: the face-to-face, I-get-to-meet-you you-get-to-meet-me formal first introduction; without the nameless I'm-not-a-real-person I'm-just-words-on-paper resume as an e-mail attachment.

I had no choice but to call Uncle Don and tell him that I was forced to deep-6 the Florida trip with him in order to sit around and watch the phone like Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day in the song Longview, forgoing a much-needed trip to the Sunshine State's Gulf Coast in order to get away from this job hunt for a week and clear my head.


Great timing!!!

On the subject of 90s music, this whole job application process has me feeling an awful lot like the naked baby on cover of Nirvana's famous album Nevermind... unremittingly swimming to get that out-of-reach dollar bill on the end of the fishing line.


So this being Tuesday, at the time of the culmination of the second day of the work week, both my phone and e-mail have failed to beckon the call of the interview. And to think I could be on a beach right now....

The job hunt has become my Master of Puppets.....

I have taken severe issue with the whole job application process. I am calling on you, my friends who have graduated to bigger and better things for assistance. The same bigger and better things that seem to elude me, being just out of my reach.

Sure, I can rest on my laurels and blame the economy for my lack of fruitful employment at a position conducive to the fact that I busted ass during the last four years in the hallowed halls of academia to earn a degree, while acquiring "related experience" at the same time.

Sure, there are two sides to every coin. I can also blame myself for not doing enough. Maybe I should have joined every single on-campus club available, from the college Republicans AND Democrats, to the business leaders and the gay/straight alliance. Would that have made my resume more marketable? Is that what they want???

Today, I will make a conscientious attempt to apply to over 50 jobs. I already applied to around 10 jobs from the KAPLAN test-preparation company in the last 12 hours before bed. This is a company I found on the many job search engines to which I am a member.

The object of the day is to apply to as many of these jobs as possible. The pathetic nature of the beast is the fact that I truly believe this won't generate any interviews. They won't see the real me behind the e-mail application they will skip over in attempt to find as many attention-grabbing resume buzz-words as possible. I don't foresee, in the near future, this coming to a blissful conclusion. I'm trapped in this perpetual maze that subjects me to going around in complete circles, unable to break free. This whole job hunt has truly become my master of puppets.

Come crawling faster
Obey your Master
Your life burns faster
Obey your Master, Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you cant see a thing
Just call my name, `cause Ill hear you scream
Master, Master
Just call my name, `cause Ill hear you scream
Master, Master

Technology has brought upon many changes in the job hunt. No longer do you scan the classified ads in newspapers to see all the potential job matches that suit your expertise. No snail-mail letter mailing anymore, sending your resume, cover letter and samples of your work. The higher the technology capabilities, the lower the attention span for information consumption. They now have e-mails to work with. Meaning that, if they don't find words that turn them on like the robots they are, they simply delete the e-mail, forgoing the attachments of the samples of your work that truly define who you are as a worker and your potential. Pathetic, isn't it?


To further illustrate my point, I applied to Wegman's, the grocery store where my brother has worked for several years. He applied via an application on paper that used to be available in the store. Now, they exclusively accept applications online. So that's how I applied about two months ago, with no response. So you're starting to not have a choice with your method of application. I have a college degree, my brother does not, but he's a hard worker and he had the opportunity to meet the people who are in charge of hiring upon the submission of his application, so they liked what they saw. Resumes are getting more and more clout that they don't solely deserve in this new age of media consumption.

I don't know what to think anymore, is it just the hard luck that seems to follow me around? Or am I simply unqualified to be employed anywhere??? I turn it over to you, my friends who've graduated college with me. The job market is awful, but a lot of you have gotten jobs. Did you know somebody where you applied beforehand? Did you juice up your resumes like Jose Canseco did with his baseball career resume? Or were you just lucky? I make this an open forum, so any help/advice you can impart would be just excellent. Also, any questions/comments are welcome too. I thank you in advance for your help.

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
Just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
Now your life is out of season

If I don't get a job (a.k.a. more real-world experience) soon, then my resume will be out of season, then what's next? Burger flipper at McDonald's or school janitor???

(Music/Lyrics by Hetfield, Ulrich, Hammett, and Burton)