Picking it back up...

When we last left off, our fair protagonistic hero was taking a few months off from this whole blog thing in order to find full-time, gainful employment in the marketing/advertising/PR fields conducive to the fact that dropping over a hundred G's on college tuition seemed like a good idea at the time. I got some inspiration from a good friend named Kristopher to get a second-wind with this whole blog thing.

I have decided that I would like to become a marketing copywriter. I had a short temp-job in that field at an IT company in Edison that I got through my friend Mike's father. It was good experience. They presented the concept to me about what they wanted to market and I would put it in words, creating and editing content for the website presentation materials. I got a good recommendation but the temp period ended, so where's the next meal coming from???

I've had a few interviews, and I guess I'm not really good at them (must be due in large part to the fact that I average an interview once every six months, so I get rusty). I am still "Fear and Loathing After College." I just hit the 19-month plateau (on 12/18/09) since I graduated from Quinnipiac. No job yet.

But it's a new year -- 2010. A new decade at that. So with this change brings a renewed sense of optimism. But how optimistic can I actually be? Will I go a full two years (three years...five years...ten years...) since graduating college, theoretically increasing my chances at finding gainful employment? Should I dig myself deeper into a financial hole by investing in grad school as the noose of debt tightens more and more every day? All these questions have kept me up at night, the vast majority of nights as time drifts away on my 20s, the hourglass of my very youth is running out while I'm still unemployed and living at my parents' house.

Optimism is my only choice. But as my mind numbs daily on these countless job search engines, it's very easy to lose sight of the big picture. How many resumes do I need to amend? How many different cover letters do I need to draft until I reach my goal, and will I reach it? This story has had the same ending for a while now but I must carry on. Until next time, be good.

There's Hope[lessness] on the Horizon...

The chances for legitimate job prospects are waning in this career quest.


I feel I have tried every viable tactic to make the most out of my resume as humanly possible. These tactics range from tweaking the wording to make it sound more appealing on a professional level, to adjusting the font size and style to make it more aesthetically pleasing, to using various different formats supplied by some of my friends who are lucky enough to have full-time employment.

More than eleven months have come and gone since I graduated from Quinnipiac last May, and if you were to ask me then where I would be now in April 2009, I would have, without a shadow of a doubt told you that I'd have a job by now, somewhere, somehow. At that point, I predicted approximately six months of post-college unemployment. Sadly, it wasn't the case, and the fact remains the same.

The undergraduate commencement ceremony at my alma mater will be held on Sunday, May 17th this year. A new class of seniors will have graduated, basked in the sunshine spotlight or prestige and accomplishment as a new hope dawns upon a fresh generation of aspiring job-seekers, brimming with confidence and ready for companies to snatch them up like hotcakes.

What does this mean for the still unemployed members of the previous class?

This means that we are now longer in vogue on the job market. We are as useful as the permanently wounded/disabled Civil War veterans returning home after Robert E. Lee signed the document of concession at Appomattox. We are as washed up as Kenny Powers from HBO's Eastbound & Down.


This is because the Career Catch-22 once again rears its ugly head. How can you gain the experience without being able to get the job, and how can you get the job without the experience? It's a double-edged sword.

What makes matters worse is the fact that companies are going to hire the young blood of this class because, despite the thousands of jobs I estimate that I applied to over the course of this past year (and that's a fairly accurate estimation). Companies are going to look at people like me and see somebody whose lazy and unmotivated, a complacent slacker who had a year to get his act together, but just coasted. However far from the truth that is, the jobs will go to this younger group of applicants.

So what's next? I honestly don't know. I've thought about grad school, I've thought about the military. The military has officer-training programs for college grads that offer graduate school programs, so that is definitely a possibility. I will talk to my uncle Don, the recently-retired Lt. Colonel from the USMC during our road trip to his house in Pensacola, Florida (we're actually going this time!). I will also take this opportunity to get away from all these useless job search engines and to clear my head in hopes to return fresh and rejuvenated. In the words of Kenny Powers, "Northeast, You're Fuckin' Out!!!"

The job hunt has become my Master of Puppets.....

I have taken severe issue with the whole job application process. I am calling on you, my friends who have graduated to bigger and better things for assistance. The same bigger and better things that seem to elude me, being just out of my reach.

Sure, I can rest on my laurels and blame the economy for my lack of fruitful employment at a position conducive to the fact that I busted ass during the last four years in the hallowed halls of academia to earn a degree, while acquiring "related experience" at the same time.

Sure, there are two sides to every coin. I can also blame myself for not doing enough. Maybe I should have joined every single on-campus club available, from the college Republicans AND Democrats, to the business leaders and the gay/straight alliance. Would that have made my resume more marketable? Is that what they want???

Today, I will make a conscientious attempt to apply to over 50 jobs. I already applied to around 10 jobs from the KAPLAN test-preparation company in the last 12 hours before bed. This is a company I found on the many job search engines to which I am a member.

The object of the day is to apply to as many of these jobs as possible. The pathetic nature of the beast is the fact that I truly believe this won't generate any interviews. They won't see the real me behind the e-mail application they will skip over in attempt to find as many attention-grabbing resume buzz-words as possible. I don't foresee, in the near future, this coming to a blissful conclusion. I'm trapped in this perpetual maze that subjects me to going around in complete circles, unable to break free. This whole job hunt has truly become my master of puppets.

Come crawling faster
Obey your Master
Your life burns faster
Obey your Master, Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you cant see a thing
Just call my name, `cause Ill hear you scream
Master, Master
Just call my name, `cause Ill hear you scream
Master, Master

Technology has brought upon many changes in the job hunt. No longer do you scan the classified ads in newspapers to see all the potential job matches that suit your expertise. No snail-mail letter mailing anymore, sending your resume, cover letter and samples of your work. The higher the technology capabilities, the lower the attention span for information consumption. They now have e-mails to work with. Meaning that, if they don't find words that turn them on like the robots they are, they simply delete the e-mail, forgoing the attachments of the samples of your work that truly define who you are as a worker and your potential. Pathetic, isn't it?


To further illustrate my point, I applied to Wegman's, the grocery store where my brother has worked for several years. He applied via an application on paper that used to be available in the store. Now, they exclusively accept applications online. So that's how I applied about two months ago, with no response. So you're starting to not have a choice with your method of application. I have a college degree, my brother does not, but he's a hard worker and he had the opportunity to meet the people who are in charge of hiring upon the submission of his application, so they liked what they saw. Resumes are getting more and more clout that they don't solely deserve in this new age of media consumption.

I don't know what to think anymore, is it just the hard luck that seems to follow me around? Or am I simply unqualified to be employed anywhere??? I turn it over to you, my friends who've graduated college with me. The job market is awful, but a lot of you have gotten jobs. Did you know somebody where you applied beforehand? Did you juice up your resumes like Jose Canseco did with his baseball career resume? Or were you just lucky? I make this an open forum, so any help/advice you can impart would be just excellent. Also, any questions/comments are welcome too. I thank you in advance for your help.

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
Just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
Now your life is out of season

If I don't get a job (a.k.a. more real-world experience) soon, then my resume will be out of season, then what's next? Burger flipper at McDonald's or school janitor???

(Music/Lyrics by Hetfield, Ulrich, Hammett, and Burton)

Get a life you bum!!! Trust me, I'm trying....

After high school I've held a lot of different jobs. I was a janitor, a gas station attendant, a security guard, and a plummer. Lately I've been working construction, it's not a bad racket. I'm a pretty good shot with the nail gun. But one day, my boss Mr. Larson, got in the way. He got a couple lucky punches in but I still feel I won the fight.

-Adam Sandler, Happy Gilmore

Every day, the career catch-22 affects more and more people. Recent graduates are out of college, out of a job, out of money, and out of luck. It's a time of high unemployment and workers of all levels of experience are losing their jobs by the thousands with every lay off.

It is a common reassurance that bleak economic times are the perfect opportunities to find a silver lining in the dark cloud of recession by reinventing yourself, getting more acclimated to both the present and future economic climates.

The stock market crash of 1929 and the subsequent Great Depression of the 30s combined for the worst economic atrocity our nation has ever faced, yet there were a fortunate and financially savvy few who realized great opportunities in the crisis and reaped the rewards of wealth. But the question remains the same. How?


To add to my confusion, many of my friends that I graduated with have gotten jobs. Some have been laid off. Others decided their first "real job" wasn't for them, and ended up leaving as a result. So the workforce is hiring, but after many attempts, I still have yet to see it for myself (even though that sketchy door-to-door marketing gig was technically mine for the taking).

However, the greatest mystery of all is the fact that people are starting careers in fields totally unrelated to their majors. For instance I have a friend who majored in communications who got a job in finance, and another friend who majored in journalism (like me) and got a job in business sales/management/marketing. I can't catch a break anywhere.

The career catch-22 is the fact that companies who view you as somebody who is unqualified or one who lacks relevant experience will avoid you like the plague. However, you cannot gain the elusive relevant experience if these prospective employers do not give you a chance to prove yourself, while helping their company grow at the same time.

Reiterating what our good friend Happy Gilmore said in my own words: During and after high school, I busted ass as a service clerk at ShopRite, I worked at a video store, a Dunkin Donuts, I worked as a painter, did landscaping, I packaged and shipped flagpoles for a distributor, and I was a barback for a nightclub in New Haven, Conn. which turned into a custodial position after hours. The hardest job I've ever had to do? Use muriatic acid and disinfectant to scrub the walls and ceiling clean in a two-car garage covered in mold, by myself.

Unfortunately none of this "real-world" experience is "related" experience to any professional career, so I must leave it off my resume. This brings me to my next dilemma, the resume. When you look up resume tips on Google, the experts almost always tell you to refrain from lying. But at the same time, they almost always tell you to not shy away from highlighting and accentuating what's on your resume, obviously.


But what happens when highlighting your accomplishments meets the gray area between truth and deceit? You won't find a reputable resume expert who recommends that you lie or stretch the truth when writing your resume. In a perfect world, it doesn't happen. But let's face it, this is reality.

According to this Resume Tricks article, you only have 30 seconds to grab the attention of the resume-analyzing automatons who work in HR. So is a little fabrication or a flat out lie the best way to get noticed and thus, increase your chances on getting an interview? More people do it than you may think, and many of the people who do it, get away with it.

Were you ever beaten out of a job because a competitor padded his résumé? Let’s go to the stats: In a poll of 150 hiring executives at large companies, the execs estimated that nearly 30 percent of all job candidates fudge on their résumés. It’s actually worse than that, says Patricia Gillette, a San Francisco lawyer who has investigated hundreds of résumés while defending companies against former employees. "Probably 90 percent of the time, people lie on their résumé," she says. “We figure that means 60 percent of the job force lies and gets away with it.”

These stats are enough to drive certain people to falsify a resume, and I've spoken to recruiters that have said that many prospective employers look exclusively at resumes (so much for a dazzling cover letter, eh?) when considering applicants for employment.

I have, what I feel, a good resume. But for some reason, my resume doesn't generate interview offers. (Is it the job search engines?) I like to think that I'm the Scott Brosius in a sea full of A-Rod hotshots fresh out of college. I'm sure some other overlooked job applicants feel similar to that. In a society obsessed with stats, some prospective employers only look at what they see at face value...regardless of whether or not the applicant has lied or cheated. The people who almost always get the jobs are either the better B.S. artists or the ones who are better at selling themselves, both of which are, depending on what the job descriptions entail, mostly irrelevant to the everyday duties of the job (unless it's sales). I'd like to believe in the notion that there's still some integrity in this country, but I strain to accept it..... Are companies hiring actual people these days?? Or are they just simply hiring resumes???


What's more important, stats on paper that can be skewed, or intangible performance that generates success??? Just ask the 1996-2000 Yankees compared to the team in recent years.

Back on the job hunt

After my brief hiatus from this endless job search, I'm back on the old dusty trail plugging away and grinding. I came across this job search site called AfterCollege. Their motto on their homepage is as follows: Entry-level jobs and internships for students of nursing, engineering, business, and all disciplines.

My ideal place to end this near ten-month expedition to seek the Holy Grail of finally being able to pay off my bills and student loans, right???

Wrong! Nothing can ever be that easy.

On the site, I clicked the New Jersey portion of the list of jobs so I can still live with my parents and save some money, and in-turn massively elevate my eligible bachelor status. I was sifting through the job-ops, and I came across a few paradoxes. For instance, I found an ad for "Project Controls Manager" based in Paramus. Sounds like a great title for an eager twenty-something that wants to gain valuable experience, work hard, and achieve financial independence. Except, check out the qualifications they're looking for:

Job Requirements:

The ideal candidate must have a minimum 15 years of experience in the development and execution of cost and schedule control systems. Must have supervisory experience and a BS in Engineering. PE license preferred. Candidate must possess EPC project controls experience.

How many recent graduates do you know that have 15 years of experience in ANYTHING? And why the hell does this job take up space on a site geared towards entry-level careers and internships???

And if one unreachable career isn't enough, that job is more attainable than this ad for a Project Manager:

Established engineering firm is looking for a Project Manager with a minimum 18 years relevant project related engineering and construction experience. This position will be responsible for the full performance of every phase of a large project or group of smaller projects.

18 years??? Really? REALLY??

This Paramus-based company is the same firm that posted the ad for the previous job, a company called The Assurance Group. I don't know what their employees are smoking posting jobs that require A TON of experience on a job search engine like this.

Or maybe it's just me. Maybe the entry-level jobs for students "after college" that they're referring to means entry-level after the job-seekers get their Ph.D's. After college??? More like WAY after college.