The job search has become my full-time job, unpaid of course

Every day symbolizes new beginnings. The sun comes up and says good morning, we say "Goodnight Moon" to the lunar body in outer space, and the world rotates on its axis like a goddam tilt-a-whirl, spinning around like the scratched CD that my job search has become.

Over the course of the year, I've easily applied to well over 1,000 jobs and have gotten 4 interviews (1 from the illegitimate ASL Marketing Group door-to-door scam). I currently work at my dad's retail flag store in Clinton, N.J., called Flying High, Inc. This store sells flags (obviously), kites, globes, telescopes, authentic model ships, mailboxes, ties, nautical art, etc. It's kind of like a glorified internship, and when I get paychecks, it feels more like I'm getting professional allowance from my parents, complete with tax rape from the government.

With my dad's time occupied mostly with Flying High Transit (the limo division of the company), I'm usually the one in charge of managing the retail aspect (with one other employee). Being an integral part of a small business for years, since I was a teenager in my case, is a great teacher in career preparation. It's the perfect jump-off to a professional job, one would think. It encompasses sales, marketing, advertising, public relations, accounting (through QuickBooks software), market research, and a strong emphasis on customer service, which is the gasoline in any business engine. Customer service plays a key role in marketing, especially in a small business when you just need your name to be out there.

When I'm not doing that, I am applying to jobs, lots of them. These past six or seven months (when I really put the job search in full-gear) have been absolute hell. It's impossible to save up any substantial amount of money because working for my dad is only on occasion and doesn't pay that well (there is only so much you can do with a nautical shop in inland Clinton). I just wish there was some way I could convey the description of this part-time job role and how critical it is to place the utmost importance on succeeding and being ethical to keep a small business above water.

The days that I don't work are filled with the arduous, anxiety-fueled obligation to put forth 100% effort to end this unemployed status quo once and for all. There are only so many ways I can "sell myself" to the machines with pulses that evaluate resumes, the people who assume the role of God (or the Terminator) on Judgement Day. I am currently on the sixth or seventh different/updated version of my resume (who's counting?)


Another point is the fact that the job market is far from good and the economy is right there with it. However, despite this fact, the majority of my friends from college have full-time jobs at this point, which is light years beyond the point of my comprehension of reasoning. What don't I have to make a good employee? Has this society become so bullshit-obsessed that liars get the best jobs? I'm starting to believe that it's the case. I ask my friends "how did you land your job in this economy?" Their answers are always the same... "I got lucky." (Although I'm fully appreciative of the tips and advice they offer). Luck has never been a friend of mine, so that is something I neither can utilize nor count on.

People have asked for my resume (middle-aged successful adults). This used to generate so much promise, optimism and enthusiasm. This too is just another repetitive theme in this first year out of college for me. I send the resume in a timely fashion, usually with a cover letter or a nice note thanking them. I also offer to submit supplemental information including a list of references and samples of my work as needed. But, like a phantom, these people almost always disappear, even after I send follow-up e-mails. I could have forgone these last four years of college and saved a TON of money. Hell, I could've even dropped out of high school and probably would have been much further than I am now. Opportunity never knocks, it just tantalizes.


I'm done with being broke, thanks for being there while I vent. Now I have a different form of "venting" I need to do thinking about this damn job hunt.

Agony drags on, Vacation plans cease....

My uncle Don recently retired from the U.S. Marine Corps after a 20-year career beginning in 1989. During this lengthy tenure, he has traveled the globe, enduring numerous tours of duty to Iraq, Somalia, Rwanda, Afghanistan, Iraq again, and many other places. Even more recently, he's been pretty busy planning the next stage of his life. Semper Fi, Lieutenant Colonel!

He lives in Virginia Beach and is currently in the process of selling his house in Pensacola, which requires a lot of preparation, dealing with realtors, and packing up what's left in the house to move it up to his other place.

He offered the chance for my older brother and myself (my younger brother is still in high school) to go down to Pensacola with him this week to help him with the house... and hang out by his pool, beach it, hit up the bars and otherwise enjoy ourselves while helping to alleviate his moving process. Seeing how my older brother works full-time, I seemed like a perfectly good candidate for this "spring break," so I jumped at the chance.


So he and I worked it out, I was going to go to his place in VA Beach yesterday, and we were going to drive down to Pensacola to make an adventure out of it starting today. I was all poised and ready to go when, on Friday, a woman from this company I applied to a couple weeks ago called me for a phone interview. I thought the interview went pretty well, and she informed me of a position that just opened up and, sure enough, I was interested. I still am. She then told me that she would deliver my resume to human resources for consideration. Do you notice a common theme here??? I thought I might be able to bypass this stage of the application process with this phone interview and jump straight into where I excel: the face-to-face, I-get-to-meet-you you-get-to-meet-me formal first introduction; without the nameless I'm-not-a-real-person I'm-just-words-on-paper resume as an e-mail attachment.

I had no choice but to call Uncle Don and tell him that I was forced to deep-6 the Florida trip with him in order to sit around and watch the phone like Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day in the song Longview, forgoing a much-needed trip to the Sunshine State's Gulf Coast in order to get away from this job hunt for a week and clear my head.


Great timing!!!

On the subject of 90s music, this whole job application process has me feeling an awful lot like the naked baby on cover of Nirvana's famous album Nevermind... unremittingly swimming to get that out-of-reach dollar bill on the end of the fishing line.


So this being Tuesday, at the time of the culmination of the second day of the work week, both my phone and e-mail have failed to beckon the call of the interview. And to think I could be on a beach right now....

*IMPORTANT* Resume Tips (Trust Me); and the Ever-Present Job Hunt Continues...

My father was...a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual..... I'm only kidding. My father owns a limo company called Flying High Transit, based in Clinton, N.J. He drives clients to and from the airport and into the city as well. Being caught in a stigma of constantly needing cash to pay bills and student loans off due to my current unemployed status, I occasionally help him out by driving people when he is occupied.

On Friday evening, I drove this nice older couple back from Newark Airport. They have daughters in their thirties, one of whom works for an insurance rating company in a nearby town. I dropped off the couple at their house, and they asked me for my e-mail address to give to their daughter for consideration for an employment opportunity (You never know.... It's called networking). That really pumped me up, a chance for a career, finally? I was pleasantly surprised to get an e-mail in a timely fashion the very next morning from their daughter, asking me to send my resume to both her personal and work e-mail addresses and she would then forward it to Human Resources.

Ahhhhh, the good old HR Department, the resume graveyard itself in any company. I felt my spirits sink along with my chances of actually getting an interview, having my resume in the caring hands of a department of people who don't know me personally, and do not know my strengths and assets in a team and professional environment.

HR departments are like automated answering machines for a company that you would like to get in touch with and possibly even start a relationship with. Let's just say that the company is a girl that you want to ask out for dinner. The girl is usually busy and is NEVER home so you must deal with her answering machine. You have to make a good impression on the answering machine to spark the interest of the girl, so it's all about presentation, aka the resume. So you have to do work now, in order to "DO WORK!!!" later.

On Saturday I was in Connecticut with my family for my grandfather's 85th birthday (Happy Birthday, Pop!!) I started reading this article about a guide to getting a career in the jobs section of Reader's Digest, written by Cathie Gandel and Hilary Sterne, (Yes I said it, Reader's Digest, don't judge!) This article was loaded with a plethora of good information about getting a job, being in between jobs, and advice from career coaches.

My primary focus was on the part of the article pertaining to resumes.

HR people like a "powered up resume," so instead of saying "I worked," say "I collaborated" or "I led," for instance.

Here is a list of some more power verbs that will boost your resume's value, and HR people will fall head-over-heels in love with it based on the words they read, assuming they took their adderall that morning and will give resumes/people the attention they deserve:

-accelerated
-accomplished
-collaborated
-constructed
-created
-designed
-developed
-devised
-drafted
-established
-expanded
-formulated
-generated
-implemented
-improved
-initiated
-launched
-managed
-negotiated
-operated
-presented
-produced
-streamlined
-supervised
-tracked
-wrote

The article also features good advice from resume professionals: Paul Mathews, Peter Weddle, Anita Attridge, Michael Worthington, and Cheryl Lynch Simpson.

Resumes are all about the past, job posts are all about the future. Think about how your qualifications can match up well with what the employer is looking for on a professional level. Don't use any font under 11-point on your resume (remember the "HR-ADD Factor"), and send it as part of the e-mail and NOT as an attachment, (thanks for the information that could've been BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION YESTERDAY!!!! Or 10 months ago). Read the job description and use the same words, so if the ad specifies 'instructor' don't write down 'trainer' on your resume. Also, don't use buzz-words (team member, problem solver, or self-motivated). Instead, specifically describe your accomplishments (not duties) by quantifying your experience.


It's like a football game. It's a game that pits you, as the prospective employee, vs. the HR department, aka 'the opposition' as I like to refer to them as. You must illustrate and implement plays that baffle or dazzle the opposition in order to get by them, head to the end-zone (the initial interview) to score, and ultimately win the game (get the job offer).

Get a life you bum!!! Trust me, I'm trying....

After high school I've held a lot of different jobs. I was a janitor, a gas station attendant, a security guard, and a plummer. Lately I've been working construction, it's not a bad racket. I'm a pretty good shot with the nail gun. But one day, my boss Mr. Larson, got in the way. He got a couple lucky punches in but I still feel I won the fight.

-Adam Sandler, Happy Gilmore

Every day, the career catch-22 affects more and more people. Recent graduates are out of college, out of a job, out of money, and out of luck. It's a time of high unemployment and workers of all levels of experience are losing their jobs by the thousands with every lay off.

It is a common reassurance that bleak economic times are the perfect opportunities to find a silver lining in the dark cloud of recession by reinventing yourself, getting more acclimated to both the present and future economic climates.

The stock market crash of 1929 and the subsequent Great Depression of the 30s combined for the worst economic atrocity our nation has ever faced, yet there were a fortunate and financially savvy few who realized great opportunities in the crisis and reaped the rewards of wealth. But the question remains the same. How?


To add to my confusion, many of my friends that I graduated with have gotten jobs. Some have been laid off. Others decided their first "real job" wasn't for them, and ended up leaving as a result. So the workforce is hiring, but after many attempts, I still have yet to see it for myself (even though that sketchy door-to-door marketing gig was technically mine for the taking).

However, the greatest mystery of all is the fact that people are starting careers in fields totally unrelated to their majors. For instance I have a friend who majored in communications who got a job in finance, and another friend who majored in journalism (like me) and got a job in business sales/management/marketing. I can't catch a break anywhere.

The career catch-22 is the fact that companies who view you as somebody who is unqualified or one who lacks relevant experience will avoid you like the plague. However, you cannot gain the elusive relevant experience if these prospective employers do not give you a chance to prove yourself, while helping their company grow at the same time.

Reiterating what our good friend Happy Gilmore said in my own words: During and after high school, I busted ass as a service clerk at ShopRite, I worked at a video store, a Dunkin Donuts, I worked as a painter, did landscaping, I packaged and shipped flagpoles for a distributor, and I was a barback for a nightclub in New Haven, Conn. which turned into a custodial position after hours. The hardest job I've ever had to do? Use muriatic acid and disinfectant to scrub the walls and ceiling clean in a two-car garage covered in mold, by myself.

Unfortunately none of this "real-world" experience is "related" experience to any professional career, so I must leave it off my resume. This brings me to my next dilemma, the resume. When you look up resume tips on Google, the experts almost always tell you to refrain from lying. But at the same time, they almost always tell you to not shy away from highlighting and accentuating what's on your resume, obviously.


But what happens when highlighting your accomplishments meets the gray area between truth and deceit? You won't find a reputable resume expert who recommends that you lie or stretch the truth when writing your resume. In a perfect world, it doesn't happen. But let's face it, this is reality.

According to this Resume Tricks article, you only have 30 seconds to grab the attention of the resume-analyzing automatons who work in HR. So is a little fabrication or a flat out lie the best way to get noticed and thus, increase your chances on getting an interview? More people do it than you may think, and many of the people who do it, get away with it.

Were you ever beaten out of a job because a competitor padded his résumé? Let’s go to the stats: In a poll of 150 hiring executives at large companies, the execs estimated that nearly 30 percent of all job candidates fudge on their résumés. It’s actually worse than that, says Patricia Gillette, a San Francisco lawyer who has investigated hundreds of résumés while defending companies against former employees. "Probably 90 percent of the time, people lie on their résumé," she says. “We figure that means 60 percent of the job force lies and gets away with it.”

These stats are enough to drive certain people to falsify a resume, and I've spoken to recruiters that have said that many prospective employers look exclusively at resumes (so much for a dazzling cover letter, eh?) when considering applicants for employment.

I have, what I feel, a good resume. But for some reason, my resume doesn't generate interview offers. (Is it the job search engines?) I like to think that I'm the Scott Brosius in a sea full of A-Rod hotshots fresh out of college. I'm sure some other overlooked job applicants feel similar to that. In a society obsessed with stats, some prospective employers only look at what they see at face value...regardless of whether or not the applicant has lied or cheated. The people who almost always get the jobs are either the better B.S. artists or the ones who are better at selling themselves, both of which are, depending on what the job descriptions entail, mostly irrelevant to the everyday duties of the job (unless it's sales). I'd like to believe in the notion that there's still some integrity in this country, but I strain to accept it..... Are companies hiring actual people these days?? Or are they just simply hiring resumes???


What's more important, stats on paper that can be skewed, or intangible performance that generates success??? Just ask the 1996-2000 Yankees compared to the team in recent years.