Get a life you bum!!! Trust me, I'm trying....

After high school I've held a lot of different jobs. I was a janitor, a gas station attendant, a security guard, and a plummer. Lately I've been working construction, it's not a bad racket. I'm a pretty good shot with the nail gun. But one day, my boss Mr. Larson, got in the way. He got a couple lucky punches in but I still feel I won the fight.

-Adam Sandler, Happy Gilmore

Every day, the career catch-22 affects more and more people. Recent graduates are out of college, out of a job, out of money, and out of luck. It's a time of high unemployment and workers of all levels of experience are losing their jobs by the thousands with every lay off.

It is a common reassurance that bleak economic times are the perfect opportunities to find a silver lining in the dark cloud of recession by reinventing yourself, getting more acclimated to both the present and future economic climates.

The stock market crash of 1929 and the subsequent Great Depression of the 30s combined for the worst economic atrocity our nation has ever faced, yet there were a fortunate and financially savvy few who realized great opportunities in the crisis and reaped the rewards of wealth. But the question remains the same. How?


To add to my confusion, many of my friends that I graduated with have gotten jobs. Some have been laid off. Others decided their first "real job" wasn't for them, and ended up leaving as a result. So the workforce is hiring, but after many attempts, I still have yet to see it for myself (even though that sketchy door-to-door marketing gig was technically mine for the taking).

However, the greatest mystery of all is the fact that people are starting careers in fields totally unrelated to their majors. For instance I have a friend who majored in communications who got a job in finance, and another friend who majored in journalism (like me) and got a job in business sales/management/marketing. I can't catch a break anywhere.

The career catch-22 is the fact that companies who view you as somebody who is unqualified or one who lacks relevant experience will avoid you like the plague. However, you cannot gain the elusive relevant experience if these prospective employers do not give you a chance to prove yourself, while helping their company grow at the same time.

Reiterating what our good friend Happy Gilmore said in my own words: During and after high school, I busted ass as a service clerk at ShopRite, I worked at a video store, a Dunkin Donuts, I worked as a painter, did landscaping, I packaged and shipped flagpoles for a distributor, and I was a barback for a nightclub in New Haven, Conn. which turned into a custodial position after hours. The hardest job I've ever had to do? Use muriatic acid and disinfectant to scrub the walls and ceiling clean in a two-car garage covered in mold, by myself.

Unfortunately none of this "real-world" experience is "related" experience to any professional career, so I must leave it off my resume. This brings me to my next dilemma, the resume. When you look up resume tips on Google, the experts almost always tell you to refrain from lying. But at the same time, they almost always tell you to not shy away from highlighting and accentuating what's on your resume, obviously.


But what happens when highlighting your accomplishments meets the gray area between truth and deceit? You won't find a reputable resume expert who recommends that you lie or stretch the truth when writing your resume. In a perfect world, it doesn't happen. But let's face it, this is reality.

According to this Resume Tricks article, you only have 30 seconds to grab the attention of the resume-analyzing automatons who work in HR. So is a little fabrication or a flat out lie the best way to get noticed and thus, increase your chances on getting an interview? More people do it than you may think, and many of the people who do it, get away with it.

Were you ever beaten out of a job because a competitor padded his résumé? Let’s go to the stats: In a poll of 150 hiring executives at large companies, the execs estimated that nearly 30 percent of all job candidates fudge on their résumés. It’s actually worse than that, says Patricia Gillette, a San Francisco lawyer who has investigated hundreds of résumés while defending companies against former employees. "Probably 90 percent of the time, people lie on their résumé," she says. “We figure that means 60 percent of the job force lies and gets away with it.”

These stats are enough to drive certain people to falsify a resume, and I've spoken to recruiters that have said that many prospective employers look exclusively at resumes (so much for a dazzling cover letter, eh?) when considering applicants for employment.

I have, what I feel, a good resume. But for some reason, my resume doesn't generate interview offers. (Is it the job search engines?) I like to think that I'm the Scott Brosius in a sea full of A-Rod hotshots fresh out of college. I'm sure some other overlooked job applicants feel similar to that. In a society obsessed with stats, some prospective employers only look at what they see at face value...regardless of whether or not the applicant has lied or cheated. The people who almost always get the jobs are either the better B.S. artists or the ones who are better at selling themselves, both of which are, depending on what the job descriptions entail, mostly irrelevant to the everyday duties of the job (unless it's sales). I'd like to believe in the notion that there's still some integrity in this country, but I strain to accept it..... Are companies hiring actual people these days?? Or are they just simply hiring resumes???


What's more important, stats on paper that can be skewed, or intangible performance that generates success??? Just ask the 1996-2000 Yankees compared to the team in recent years.